Shorewood Teen Raises Her Newborn Baby with Community Support

Pregnancy was the last thing Shorewood parents Roxanne and Rick Tibbits thought of when their 16-year-old daughter Rheanne started complaining of an upset stomach last year. They went in and out of the doctor’s office several times without diagnosis, and without anyone asking if Rheanne might be pregnant.

“We knew she had a boyfriend, and we knew it was physically possible; we had anatomy,” Roxanne, who teaches the English Language Learners program at , said. “We just didn’t think of it.”

It wasn’t until another mom came to Roxanne, after overhearing Rheanne’s friends saying they were concerned she was pregnant, that it came out and Roxanne confronted her daughter.

First there was a negative home pregnancy test. Then there was a vague result. Then two came back positive, and finally a doctor confirmed that Rheanne, then a sophomore at , was about two months pregnant.

In that moment, the doctor, who had been with Rheanne for several years, started to cry with the family as they hugged in shock. Soon the news would surprise the whole community, when Rheanne would announce her pregnancy to her social network via Facebook, testing Rheanne in her resolve, and holding a mirror to Shorewood in a way never done before.

“Everyone I know was really surprised because I was a good student, band geek, my mom's a teacher, blah, blah, blah,” Rheanne said. “So, I guess no one expected this from me.”

A life-altering decision

When they left the office, Rheanne called the father of the baby, and both families got together that night to discuss what to do.

“It was tough,” Roxanne said. “There was lots of crying. You’re in crisis mode. You’re mourning the loss of your little girl.”

The family went to counseling together, which helped them set goals for decision-making and preparation along the way.

The first big decision for Rheanne was whether to keep the baby or put the baby up for adoption. Her counselor recommended Memorial Day weekend as a deadline and Rheanne drafted a list of pros and cons.

“I think I always knew that I was going to keep him,” Rheanne said. “I didn't consider abortion because I don't believe in it, but I did consider adoption.”

Roxanne said from the beginning she was leaning toward adoption for the baby, worried about whether Rheanne would have the ability and energy to raise him. But as Rheanne became more invested in her new situation, reading stacks of books about healthy pregnancy and putting endless thoughts into the future of herself and her baby, Roxanne said she became more open to the possibility of keeping the baby.

“I could see where that would work," Roxanne said. "We said clearly we’re not happy with the choice you made, but we will do what we can to support you.”

By May 28, as planned, Rheanne had made her decision to keep the baby, with and despite everything that would come with that.

One of the first sacrifices for Rheanne was not returning to school in the fall. Although she had been a successful student at SHS, she struggled with taking the online classes she tried through Waukesha IQ Academy, without personal attention. Now SHS is setting up different online classes for her to take that align with the curriculum so she can return for half-days in the fall to graduate on time with her class in Spring 2013.

“This was not something that was easy for our family,” Roxanne said. “But once you have the situation, you can’t dwell on what’s negative. This is a life, and there’s so much joy in that. You have to focus on that.”

A new life

Mild contractions started the evening of Nov. 15, and by 5 a.m. the next day it was time to go to the hospital. With her mother as her birthing partner, Rheanne brought Aidan Tibbits into the world at 3 p.m.

“It was really painful, and I threw up on my mom,” Rheanne said. “But I felt so amazing and strong after, I wasn't even tired. I never knew I could love anyone so much; it's just an amazing feeling. But, it’s also a scary feeling because I don't want anything bad to ever happen to Aidan.”

Rheanne started breastfeeding right away. She had decided early on from her reading that she would not use any formula supplements.

“She’s always been an avid reader, and she wants to do things well,” Roxanne said. “She is extremely loving and attentive. She has a hard time leaving for just a half hour without him. She is head over heels for him.”

Rheanne is no longer in a relationship with the baby's father, though he and his family visit frequently and bring supplies. In taking on full responsibility for Aidan's well being, Rheanne has had to grow up fast.

“I don't see my friends as often or do 'normal' teenage stuff," Rheanne said. "But, I am so happy now. No matter what, Aidan always makes me smile. I cherish every moment with Aidan.”

She's also done some adjusting to her post high school dreams. Before becoming pregnant, Rheanne talked about going to New York after graduating to pursue writing or dancing. Now, the plan is to stay at home longer and possibly study at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

"I definitely had a kid earlier than I planned, but I know I can still make my dreams and Aidan's come true," Rheanne said. "I still want to be a professional writer, and I haven't stopped writing yet, so I feel that I'm still on the right track for that. But, my priority will always be Aidan. He's the most important thing to me."

Community responds

With Rheanne's announcement of her pregnancy on Facebook, dozens of family members, friends and acquaintances weighed with mostly positive comments and congratulations.

"It seems strange to congratulate a teen parent, but I saw it as a really kind gesture," Rheanne said. "I'm sure I've received some criticism behind my back, but to my face, I've only received a little."

Roxanne also said most of the responses have been overwhelmingly supportive. The teachers at Atwater threw Roxanne a “Grandma shower," and countless friends and coworkers have brought over bags and boxes of baby clothes, toys and diapers.

Roxanne said most of the negativity that has come has been on Facebook or behind their backs, but she tries to confront it when possible.

“You have to know this decision was not reached lightly in this family," Roxanne said. "We really grappled with this. It was not something we were jumping for joy over, when we found out our 16-year-old daughter was pregnant.

"We are at the point where we’re looking forward. Rheanne very much gets that it was her choice that led her here, and she’s trying to look at all the positives. We’re very proud of how she’s handling it.”

The criticism that has reached Rheanne has only made her more sure of her decision.

"One time, an old lady at Bayshore gave me a lecture and told me that my parents will probably end up adopting him," Rheanne said. "And I listened to what she was saying but was just like, 'No, I'm his mom, I'm gonna keep him.' No matter what criticism I get, I know I made the right decision."

Lessons learned

By sharing Rheanne's journey and Aidan's life with the community, the Tibbits said they hope others will be willing to come forward with their own concerns and stories, to foster family and community dialogues about preventing unintended pregnancy and dealing with it in healthy ways when it happens.

“To me, there’s nothing to be gained from keeping it a secret," Roxanne said. “It doesn’t have to be shameful. It can be handled in a more open manner, and support can be found. That’s what I would like teens to know."

Though several SHS students have become pregnant before Rheanne, most have not been so public about it.

"A lot of people have the perception that girls don't get pregnant in Shorewood, which is just not true," Rheanne said. "If a girl thinks she is pregnant, she needs to talk to an adult. It doesn't have to be a parent, but it's very important to talk to someone and to see a doctor as soon as possible because prenatal care is very important for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby."

In August, a then 16-year-old SHS student in a flowerbed after giving birth in her bathtub. She said she didn't know what to do after giving birth to the baby, which she said wasn't breathing. Roxanne said she hopes cases like this can be prevented if teens feel more comfortable talking to someone when they think they might be pregnant.

"If you make a bad choice, talk to someone about it," Roxanne said. "Seek prenatal care. There is support for you. People are not going to turn their backs and judge you for your choice.”