What Women Claim They Want verses the Reality!

Over the last four or five decades and the rise of Feminism and the Women’s Liberation Movement into the public consciousness, the stated expectations and roles for men and women have significantly changed. However, reality usually turns out to be something far different.

I don’t think it is really so much the emergence of feminism that has motivated change in the roles, but the simple fact that women moved into the workforce in big numbers. In the not too distant past, women were expected to be homemakers and mothers, while men were expected to be the breadwinners.

Initially, women moved into the workforce to supplement the family’s income so that the family could afford a better house, a second car, etc; basically becoming solidly middle class. Early on, women found themselves in the position of not only working outside the home, but continuing to perform their traditional roles as well. Add to that, women were confronted with a number of additional problems such as finding someone to watch the children, balancing work schedules when children were sick, and involvement with normal school support activities. Working women found themselves in the position of too much to do and not enough time or energy to do it.

When women entered the workforce, initially little changed for men. They pretty much continued their lives as before. Men had never traditionally been required to be the children’s primary caregivers, wash and iron the clothes, fix the meals, clean the house, etc. In fact, at the time, there were strong social prohibitions against men engaging in such work. Around the home men performed maintenance and repairs, maintained cars and any cooking that men did was generally associated with summertime grilling.

It wasn’t long before the supplemental discretionary income that women brought into the home became necessary to the family’s wellbeing. People have a tendency to spend as much as they make and the increased family income created a new social condition where families became dependent and the new social norm of the two income family was born. Also born were all of the social problems associated with working mothers such as ‘latch key children’.

Unlike the extended family unit model where the extended family supports one another in child rearing and a variety of other necessary functions; the nuclear family model puts tremendous requirements and strain on the family’s adults and in particular women.

Over the last three generations, gender roles and responsibilities have slowly but dramatically changed. The social ideal is now the egalitarian partnership where family partners share, more or less, in income production, the domestic chores and child rearing. Although still rare, it is not all that unusual to have a ‘stay at home dad’ who has become the primary care giver while the other partner works outside of the home. Many family decisions are now being made based on functionality and economics rather than traditional nuclear family roles.  

Now one of the questions that must be answered is what has caused such a dramatic shift in gender roles; is it the influence of feminism, economics or something else? As usual economics and consumption habits remain the prime mover of social change over the short run. Feminism has provided for the necessary awareness and set the foundation principles on which the new social structure is being built. But another, often overlooked variable is the change in types of employment. Whereas, fifty or sixty years ago physical labor and manufacturing production dominated the economy; now 90% of all employment is service related. This has meant that employability is no longer based on strength but is now based on education and knowledge, all of which levels the playing field for women to participate in. Also, another variable is that of the impact of technology on the work and working environment, again working as a leveler in work roles.

With the changes in educational and work opportunities for women, their expectations have also changed. “First Wave Feminism” has contributed greatly to the expectations that women have adopted and claimed. The principle idea is that, as a woman, you can have it all; education, career, family and children. Women who have bought into the expectation have found it to be not quite as advertised. One of the monkey wrenches has been when children enter into the picture. Most modern women in the U.S. understand the importance of bonding with their children and want the time away from work and career to do so. But, the American work place is not conducive to accommodate their needs. Many pregnant women are confronted with the possibility of a shortened initial bonding period with their children or the option of taking a career break and losing the income. In addition, after an extensive career break women are faced with the uncertainty of coming back and trying to pick up their career, while normally their male counterparts continue working even after children enter their family.

Most women have found the prospect of having it all as only an elusive dream. Single mothers are definitely unable to pursue that dream, unless they are independently wealthy and many women in partnerships are also limited due to economic limitations and can’t afford a long period without income.  I think this has been a disservice done by the feminist movement. Another failure of the movement has been the over emphasis on women working outside of the home and in many cases discounting women that remain in the traditional roles as wives and homemakers.

An issue that is very much on the minds of a number of feminists is the controversy of abortion that just won’t go away. The battle over abortion is considered by many feminists to be an unneeded distraction to the larger issues affecting the majority of women and families. The issues surrounding Pro-Life and Pro-Choice positions are keeping women who would normally be united, divided and unable to join and address the larger issues. The feminist movement would be much happier to be pursuing the issues of paid maternity leave regardless of gender, pay equity, quality universal daycare, and universal healthcare. These are the issues that are considered as more significant to the wellbeing of women and the family.

As the social environment has changed, so have women’s expectations. Most women state that they would still prefer the traditional two parent family structure. This doesn’t necessarily mean entering into a formal marriage, but entering into a stable and long term relationship. This is a significant change from the expectations of their mothers and grandmothers. Many young women have approached relationships from a very pragmatic position. They are fully aware that they face a higher probability of spending some of lives as single parent mothers. This has added to the necessity of gaining a good education and entering into career fields that would provide income stability and benefits, if such a situation were to occur. Unlike women of two generations ago, where their work and income was deemed supplemental and they could reenter the traditional role as stay at home mom; young women today don’t feel they have that fallback position. The necessity of establishing a well paying career prior to entering into a permanent relationship and starting a family is probably the primary reason why so many women put off childbirth until they are well into the position of greater financial security. This has significantly reduced their period of fecundity. This is indicated by trends showing women having their first child at an older age and having fewer children over their reproductive life. This has contributed greatly to the shrinking of the educated middle and upper classes and the rise of parents who make huge investments of time and resources on the few children that they do have. All of these trends and realities are further changing the social structures for a number of American families.

In my conversations with a number of committed educated feminists and feminist supporters, they see the battle of equality going on far into the future. High on their list of priorities is to gain equal access to the halls of political power. For a group that is slightly more than half of the total population, they are seriously underrepresented in bodies of legislatures, state houses, the judicial system and the biggest prize of all; a woman U.S. president. They also see that they must gain equal access to investment and business capital to gain equity in the world of business. At present, capital and capital management is still pretty much a “boys’ game”.  

As the old cigarette commercial claimed: “You’ve come a long way baby” is partially correct, but there is a much longer way to go.